So, back surgery awaits me again. It has been almost a year since my last surgery. At least I made it this far. Now I am going to have a fusion. My doctor told me from the beginning that a fusion was inevitable. He had just hoped it would be many years from now. Me being in school to get my bachelor's degree was to help me be one step closer to joining the Navy. Now I feel like it is one step closer to not working in a clinical aspect of nursing. I have at least 40 years left of nursing and I know my back can't tolerate that if I continue to have a physically demanding job. So, maybe with my BSN I can start teaching, at least clinicals. That would be less physical and more of what I want to do. I can't imagine nursing without working with patients but I have to protect my back. A spinal fusion at the age of 25? What surgery would I have when I am 35 if I continue doing what I do? I love what I do. Who wouldn't love being a part of bringing a baby into this world?
At least I have a family that is here to support me no matter what choice I make. When I first reinjured my back (about 4 weeks ago), Jason was a step ahead of me when I would try to do something. Now I feel like I am a burden because I have to ask him for his help. What happened to the Jason I had 4 weeks ago? Just because time has gone by doesn't mean I feel any better. Does he not realize the more time that passes, the worse my back feels? Isn't that common sense? Maybe I am just being selfish, but I don't think so. I think it is expected as a husband to be there for me and help me. Maybe it is a woman thing thinking he should read my mind, but I don't think so. He knows I have a bad back. I don't know. Maybe he will come around.
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